Today was a productive day. I didn't start anything new.

First to address my blog title. While my current goal is counter to that which one might think of when the word "renaissance" is used I still believe it fitting. While I would love to be able to claim I didn't feel the need; I did end up looking up the definition of the word. While most commonly the word is used as describing "the revival in the world of art and learning." It also has the meaning of "renewal of life, vigor, rebirth, revival." This definition is how I still justify the use of the word.

Okay, enough of my digression!

I think for the first time today (while having a discussion through facebook with a co-worker) I voiced what I truly want, "I'm trying really hard to deprogram myself and withdraw from mainstream culture... Culture that's telling me I need all this shit to be happy!" I truly do not want to follow the norm. I feel as if the drive to get the nice car and big house is false. I think true happiness is not found in those things. Further more beyond material possessions, I think we have been deprogrammed by our culture to not listen to our intuition. To follow and not lead with our hearts. I'm starting to believe that the reason why society is so unhappy and unfulfilled is because everyone has stopped listening to their true feelings. Now... I must point out of my use of the word "true." People do still listen to their feelings. While this is common knowledge I still feel compelled to point out the obvious. Which is this; Anyone which has studied advertising knows one of the most effective tools in selling something is the ability to wield a consumers feelings like a machete. Back to my original point... I think finding happiness is ignoring culture as much as possible and tuning into yourself. Now I'm not saying that I perform this action at all with any success. However I do believe that this realization is the first step in progressing toward happiness. 

So overall today was successful!

Self Realizations

Self realizations are double edge swords...

They have the uncanny ability to make you feel progression yet make you feel like a complete ass...

Okay, I realize that the only time I post is when I have something semi-depressing or some huge self realization. While this isn't really a downfall... I'm just sayin'...

I just dropped one of my goals... My climbing class... While this is a disappointment it was sacrificed for a greater good. I have a new goal. My new goal is to not take on anything new for the next six months. This with the exception of obtaining a second job which I will elaborate on my reasoning later. This will allow me to focus my energy on living my life. Not a life full of excitement and adventure but a basic life. As they say you must walk before you run and right now I need to master the art of crawling. 

If I am to live the life which I seek I realize that I must have the humility to accept my inability to master the basics of life. This means to me living a life where I have a living space feel of clutter and in which I enjoy spending time. Living within my means. Addressing my responsibilities head on in place of avoidance through distraction. Paying back my debt built by my past monetary indiscretions. Future spiritual development and reinforcement... and one last thing... an idea which in the past I rejected... The idea of contentment. I rejected the idea of ever being content viewing it as a impedance to progression. I have slowly been coming to realize that contentment is a state to strive for. As it doesn't mean settling for less but rather finding the most efficient angle of flight to achieve happiness. 

Harder, Better, Faster, STRONGER

Work it harder, make it better, do it faster, make me stronger…. 

Now that don't kill me… Can only make me stronger.

I've looked into it a little; but I now believe it warrants serious investigation… screen printing. It's always fascinated me. I think it would be a cool way to express myself. It has not only a technical component but is also artistic. That and it appears that the initial investment is fairly low. This medium will also allow me to produce artwork on multiple forms of media. I have actually already created what is to become part of my first project.

I didn't realize how depleted of energy I had become over time. For a while I was really concerned about myself as I couldn't get myself to do anything other than to lay around and watch reruns of House. I have spoken before of the fact that I had lost track of myself. I am starting to find the path and re-energize. I can feel it! I still do not have a plan. This makes me wonder; does one really need a plan? Maybe it is just a matter of simply taking actions to empower one's self everyday. I have in the past taken steps to improve myself but never empower myself. Maybe that is part of the problem with social influence is that it focuses on improvement rather than empowerment. I think my focus is just going to be that… to empower myself. 

Intrinsically Artistic

I believe that I am an intrinsically artistic being. I have shown potential talent in visual arts and especially written arts. It has always baffled me why this has not shown through more in my personality and daily life. The answer to this is simple. I have not been allowing this to show through. It is possible that this is a result of my prolonged alienation from my peer group as an adolescent. Or my belittlement and physical torment at the hands of my childhood "best friend." It is possible that my lack of artistic expression is in part due to a fear of further alienation and punishment in response to my straying from the acceptable lines laid out before me. The true question is if this is the case then is it necessary to heal those wounds in order to release my artistic nature. On the other hand by evoking my artistic nature will it assist in breaking the binders and healing my emotional wounds? I only have the resources to attempt the latter. So I also believe that this will allow me to further discover my path.

State of Me

It's been a while since I have last written. Travel plans have been put on hold. I have obtained a new job with a company called Who's Calling. The position is a step backwards but I don't really mind. I've been doing a lot of reflection lately. I realize that somewhere along the way I lost track of myself. I feel like the last couple months have served to clean my plate; to restart and jumpstart my life. I'm slowly starting to realize that I have been living my life the way I thought that I wanted it. Not living my life according to who I am. To an extent I feel the same way about myself. I'm not allowing my true self to show through but rather am portraying myself as I think I would like to be. Not that this affliction is limited to myself but to many people. The true question is how to overcome this cognitive pattern? I have been trying to decode that question and have been struggling to uncover a solid answer. I believe that I have begun to take one good step. As I have been looking at what makes me happy and what I think would be fun to accomplish. Since having signed up for the Mountaineers and taking the snowshoeing class. I have also e-mailed the leader of the Mountaineers basic climbing course to learn mountaineering. This is a start; it is not close to being the final solution nor even a full step toward finding who I am. We shall see where this leads….

Change.gov

Within 24 hours of the election of Barack Obama www.change.gov was rolled out. We are finally seeing technology truly put to use. www.change.gov not only has a countdown to inauguration but also a newsroom and a blog. Obama is harnessing technology just as he did during his campaign to embrace and empower the people. Allowing America's voice to be heard. Americans will also have the ability to share what the election meant to them; as well as their vision for the future. One of the truly impressive pledges have been made concerning this site as reported by www.CNN.com is that Barack Obama will allow a five day comment period prior to the signing of non-emergency legislation. This reinforces President-elect Obama's message of really listening to the people and acting within their best interest. It also allows those whom choose to express interest in serving the public sector. The site is still in the early stages of development. Many areas still lack content but debut the vision of our new president-elect. I would watch very closely to future enhancements to this site. The utilization of current and future technologies will serve to inform and engage all Americans. This will usher in a new era of politics. Bringing to America a greater sense of democracy then ever before available to the American people. As January 20th, 2009 grows near www.change.gov will be the place to be.

 
 

Resources:

www.change.gov

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/11/10/obama.wired/index.html

 
 

Electrical Tape Mafia

You never realize how hard it is to type without your left index finger until you fillet it open on the broken window of a truck canopy like a sad little fish. After about an hour, through the use of many paper towels and a good amount of electrical tape I finally managed to stop the bleeding. Which was exceedingly good news as I no longer have any health insurance. I now have splinted and wrapped. I did for a period of time go without a splint and a bandage as I was trying to force the wound to form a scab. However, this only accomplished in making the open wound on my finger very, very upset with me.

I hung out with Laurie and her husband Kunga on Saturday. We talked about India, traveling, and their nutty neighbors. We also had a slightly depressing but passionate discussion about the situation in Tibet. It was really nice to have someone to discuss such things with. I had a lot of fun talking to the both of them.

The days are slowly starting to run together which slightly unnerves me. I am enjoying my time to myself after being so stressed out about what day it was and if I had to iron my clothes the night before. Alas, it is time… Time for me to get a motherfuckin' J.O.B. I think that I am going to go to REI tomorrow to purchase a pair of new shoes. While I am there I plan on filling out an application. It might not pay what I would like it to but it would at least be something to do. I think I shall also putt around Redmond and look for other establishments to submit an application. I still have not received any payment from unemployment which is starting to make me nervous. I am really hoping that I will be getting some sort of assistance for the time that I have spent unemployed. While admittedly I have not exactly been trying my hardest to find a job it still would be nice to have some income during that time.

My younger brother's ex-girlfriend whom he broke up with about 2 weeks ago has taken a fancy to doing heroin all of a sudden. My brother who is 16 had been dating her for about a year and a half; not a short time for a kid of his age. My mother offered her a place to stay in our house and I offered up my bed. While deep down inside I don't want to give up my bedroom. I am attempting to exercise compassion and selflessness.

As for progress on my trip… I checked and my passport is in process. I have been working on researching culture and additional resources for my trip. I plan on making a list of everything that I will need over the next couple days. That way I will slowly be able to start accumulating everything that I need.

Now we begin the wait…

For the last three days I have been laying around the house। Until I get a job that is all that's about all I can afford. However, admittedly I haven't been searching that hard. My mother works for Overlake Hospital and has dropped my resume to the supervisor of financial services. She then said that she would get me an interview. The job that they currently have open is verifying insurance payments. Which will be less than exciting but it pays pretty well and I more than qualify for it. And lets face it… I really doesn't matter what I do as long as I get the cash for India/Nepal.

I digress. Since I have been laying around the house I have soaked up more than enough crappy daytime TV and cable run movie. While usually I would want to shot myself after coming to this realization. Instead I have opted to embrace it and have been trying to do absolutely nothing. This includes waking up at 11:30 Monday morning and not going to bed until Tuesday at 11:30 at night. Of course at about 5:00 pm on Tuesday I did nod off for about 2 hours. I haven't intensely sleep deprived myself in a really long time. I really didn't have a reason behind staying up for that long it was nice to exercise the freedom I had to do so. One of the two highlights of the day was seeing one of the most beautiful punk rock/rockabilly chicks I've ever met at Café Landro on Capital Hill in Downtown Seattle. Of course I didn't ask her out; as right now I am not ready for that. Not just emotionally but also the fact that I just have different priorities right now. The other highlight being that I managed to drag myself out of the house by 3 o'clock on Monday and get to the post office. While the post office may not seem exciting I assure you that it can be. How is that you ask? Well, it can be exciting when you have never been out of the country. This of course not including the two times I have gone to Vancouver BC, Canada. Still not getting why the trip to the post office was exciting. It's exciting because that is where you also can apply for your passport.

The exceedingly laid back guy in charge of processing the passports kindly let me through the whole process as I really had no idea what I was doing। I managed to print out the application and fill it out properly but otherwise I was at a loss. To my surprise and contrary to all of the rumors he advised me that I should get my passport in about three weeks. Which is awesome. The sooner I get that the better I am going to feel. Of course I'm guessing that will be pretty short lived as I am immediately going to have to send it back off to Travisa Outsourcing. Travisa is the company which India uses to issue all of there visa's through. I think that I'm going to spring for the five year multiple reentry Indian visa. This will not only allow me wiggle room as to when I am going to actually take my trip but will also allow me to come back for future visits without the hassle of obtaining another Visa.

So as of right now I am shooting to leave the first week of February. However, that will really be determined once I have obtained a job and figure out at what rate I am saving money. I don't have my exact path laid out but I have started to keep track of all of the areas which I have an interest in visiting. I mapped them all out using http:maps.google.com. If you would like to check it out you can use the link in my sidebar or go to Dharma Traveler's Destinations। I haven't yet written many comments on any of the locations but I have written down the page numbers to the Lonely Planet India guide which each location corresponds with. While I am not limiting myself to it I have incorporated the Buddhist circuit. Which includes the Buddha's birthplace, where he obtained enlightenment, where he preached his first teachings, among other relevant events. I was originally thinking of trying to make my trip last 6 months. However, I have been thinking about shorting it. I might cut two months off that and go for 4 months. This should give me about 120 days. If I can average $25 a day then that puts me at $3000 for the trip plus airfare. Which really I am hoping to spend about $15 dollars a day but added an additional $10 for ground travel, tours, etc. Most other logistics I have not figured out as of yet.

My friend Laurie that I met while working at my employer has been giving me tons of advice which has been a great help। She has traveled India extensively. She offered to contact her husband's brother who lives in Dharamsala to see if he could set me up with a room. She also offered to sit down with me and go over all of the places that she has been.

I'm starting to get really excited about the trip and cannot wait. This is really going to be one heck of an experience. I think this will really give me something that I need desperately to grow as a person.